Stuck in My Head
You wonder what you want, What you desire, To what you aspire. You ask what you will need, To leave the vacuum That you assume Why not Take stock Of what you’ve got Of what is here, now for the taking? Look around you To see those who Are not faking. Who need no reminding, Who are still finding, In you, Enough.
You Why do you who, Makes flowers grow from words Why do you who, Shapes graceful gardens in paragraphs Why do you whose, majestic rivers of rhyme Flow, Just so Why do you, landscaper of ideas, hold on To your feelings, and fears As the breeze blows in on the air So we grow from worries shared To free your mind from many cares Let go of your balloon of fears, And watch it as they disappear, Dispersing dandelion clocks Tied up in knots inside and locked, From outside wisdom closed and blocked, Your worries start to take control They take up space they growl they grow. So open up and let them go And no more seeds of sadness sew To grow into weeds of your anxieties. Instead, favored with air fair weather Light as a feather Cut free You will blossom As yours is genius beauty and creativity.
Much to do Many tasks Doing all, that 'To do list' asks Listing forgotten Things all night Tense, and preoccupied Drinking coffee, Nerves fried For what? Breathe? I’ve tried. Tick things off More appear It’s now, I’m here, But not present I’m off in my head. To what end its not clear.
One day of rain And everything had changed Not wanting to complain But seeing nothing was the same I turned to a new page Through milk bottle bottom lenses No longer sure of what I saw I'd misunderstood what was intended knocked to the ground By the ungrateful crowd Who'd booed without a sound I'll count my blessings Say I've learned new lessons Wait for the next rays of human kindness To cure my temporary blindness
Catch an elusive moment As a wisp of smoke Grasped between your fingers While on the air afloat A concentrated flavour To taste to feel to savour A satisfying potion To stop time in its motion The tastiest bite of peach Gives way beneath your teeth The darkest chocolate piece Its bittersweet released That moment sun hits skin You feel the place you're in Come on and close your eyes Don’t let this chance slip by The very music of your being Is in the details you’re not seeing.
Unsaid unsung unseen
Such hidden fears play out in the deepest hour of my sleep
On the mind’s eye cinema screen
To leave a lasting daylight question mark
When daylight finally might
Deign to compete with this phone so artificially bright
In my hands a fountain of other scenes to distract from what has not been
Waking in the early hours slowly emerging from a cloying nightmare
Leaving a snail trail of still real-seeming storyline
The phones’ dimmed but still too bright light guides me back
A beacon of real preoccupation to distract
From the lurking fears brought to life in cinematic deep sleep
To the real yet unreal lives of other people
From the half strangers still posting on my feeds
To the real strangers’ Times’ reported deeds
Stories to distract from the dread acted out at night inside my head.
Do small things with great love Is the key to this philosophy Using kindness and generosity To dedicate efforts consistently To smoothing our way every day In each small action Not token shows of affection Countless small gestures Demonstrate the measure Of a gracious love to treasure Before yourself put others Is the motto of our mothers Finely attuned and attentive Needing no other incentive To better the world where we live.
Memories of my childhood Such as they are Are delicately preserved In a mind warped jar Comprised of scraps Of shards and clippings Of disconnected rememberings Coming home from school Greeted by the promise of gravy-laden food Begging for a taste with bread The sound of the a football match Drifting up from the TV to me in bed Family arriving to visit in the lounge Lingering on the landing to the sounds Of everyone arriving and stowing coats and hats Sure of hugs and exclamations to come after that Jokes over the dining table Helping to clear up Much less than I was able Getting extra credit For helping in the kitchen The best moments The ones spent together preparing A childhood filled with love, with caring. With careful choices and sometimes raised voices. With kisses and terms of endearment And with all the encouragement Needed to feed a growing girl For 18 years this was my world Safe familiar, secure provided for. Not videoed minute by minute No scrapbook with everything in it No Facebook page coming of age No instagram feed No story to read But strands of every memory Making up me.
So much of what I can’t control is what is what makes me anguish or what makes me whole what steals away serenity what ties me down what makes me free what makes me feel I cannot cope what feeds my fear what gives me hope what makes some memories live on what makes me angry what makes me strong what makes me lie awake at night what makes me wrong what makes me right what makes me know I can believe what makes me stay what makes me leave what gives me reason to be proud what makes me go quiet what makes me get loud I can’t control each tiny part of life’s enormous work of art. Far better then learn to adapt. You can control how you react.
Muscat sec and a heart to heart The hazy days of chardonnay lunches Bright sunlight filtered by branches Or hidden by sheltering parasol parts Kids doing kids stuff Comes back to me in flashes Snap shots Clinking cutlery hot to the touch Cutting their food up So much to say between courses Between getting them to eat greens Red noses, forgotten the sun cream We share out the ice cubes Maybe finish their food Waiting for the waiter Maybe some flirtation Or a little impatience Laughter Ice cream for afters Pack up backpacks And onto the scorching path Then backtrack Forgot the sunglasses. Now a late sweaty rush Back to the classroom hush With sticky fingered goodbyes And see you later cries.
